The Texting-Dating Game… 

The perplexities of new-age dating and communication


DISCLAIMER: This isn’t a biased rant. Just a few facts I thought I’d share. 

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Spring is here, and the love of texting and chats (only) are in the air! 

After reading various social media posts and lifestyle columns, I had a thought about “making the connection” in the dating world.  

First connection being… to actually connect and meet up! Seems like one popular issue is getting to meet the person face-to-face. 

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In getting to know someone, texting seems to be the “new norm”. Sometimes  it is also informal, impolite and a promise to doom any potential relationship. I’m not saying it’s all ineffective, but who wants to text/chat all day? …never get to HEAR, SEE OR LEARN a person face to face? … Have a traditional date? This can be often perceived as questionable, dishonest and a lot more negative things.  

I know there are some “unstable” people in the world, and we all must proceed with caution, wisdom and common sense. However, the “texting only” (and avoiding in-person interaction) often screams ‘I have something to hide or an ulterior motive’. 

Let me give you a simple, common scenario that I’ve heard. (from a woman’s perspective)

It all starts after receiving a message from him via DM on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter or one of those other popular dating sites. 

The initial attraction is there, and both begin chatting with one another. They have a good connection, so they continue to talk (VIA TEXT) — He can’t seem to get enough of her (VIA TEXT)…HE INITIATES the “reaching out” (VIA TEXT).

His “Good morning beautiful… Hey Love… What’s up sexy?… How was your day?” greetings are always delivered on time. And Yep, he’s comfortable now, so he feels it’s okay to call her ‘sexy’. 

Then the kicker… 

She mentions meeting face-to-face — maybe over coffee, lunch, dinner…or anything relative to a real date. Then suddenly, his fingers no longer work. He becomes Houdini… his ass goes “ghost”… but then he resurfaces a few days later, like nothing happened??!!

Texts start flowing in AGAIN. “Good morning beautiful… Hey Love…What’s up sexy?… How was your day?” 

She thinks , Now I know he saw that WHOLE previous text message I sent him about us meeting face-to-face. Why did he ignore it?…

Now, she’s thinking of a way to bring it up to him…AGAIN. When she does, he gets quiet… again. 

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Alright, so you may be thinking why in the hell would she keep going back and forth with him, then? … I agree. And let me tell you, if she’s wise, THIS type of scenario would be allowed to occur twice (only because she needs to be certain that she’s not misinterpreting anything), and she would get the hint on what her next move should be. 

Unfortunately for some, this game goes on a lot longer because one feels/thinks to themselves: “the conversation is good”, “he’s quite interested in me”, ” we seem to share a few things in common” or, “good men are hard to come by and he seems decent, so maybe this will turn around.” 

With such, the communication continues. Time gets lost in texting only, maybe allowing the chance to hear his voice once or twice … but never meeting him in person.  

Patience is a virtue and there is no need to rush. However, it’s good to call a bullsh*t game when it’s obviously there. Especially if the male party is not being direct about his expectations with dating. 

This evasive nature prompts the questions: — Why is there such great comfort in a “texting only” connection? — Why are there so many complications in efforts to meet face to face? — Why engage in social dating and create disappointment for others that are mindful/serious, if ones personal goal is laced with uncertainty and possible dishonesty? … who knows if these questions will ever be answered. 

However, while In this process, always remember to never compromise yourself and keep it honest.  

And in the meantime, just laugh at this “new dating/communication norm”. You’d be surprised at how strong it makes you. 

-Esh